A-Level disasters: Gavin Williamson’s enema sees education secretary buried in a matchbox

Anorak Thursday, 13 August 2020
Gavin Williamson is a politician so shallow he could drown in his own spit. To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens, if they gave the Tory MP Conservative Member of Parliament for South Staffordshire and Education Secretary an enema, you could bury his remains in a matchbox. Today Williamson has been declaring his pride in the youth whose exams he fudged and failed, and the teachers he patronised and ignored. The A-levels results are in and are too many are a travesty.

Have you seen this? And you have the gall to congratulate children like this. How could any computer of algorithm give this girl anything less than AAA? And now she – and 000s like her – will have to go through hoops to get a fair result. You should resign

— liz gerard (@gameoldgirl) August 13, 2020

Students predicted As and Bs have been given Cs and Ds. According to Williamson and his enablers, the data does not lie. Graphs and trends are more important than individuals and teacher assessments.

Maybe this will be the moment when things change, a stark awakening to the hopelessness of industrialised higher education. Get your A-levels, kids, and you too can be a dullard. Work hard and you too can get into heavy debt at university.

Is this the day when the kinder who’ve been sat on the education travelator since they could first hold crayons in their fists realise it’s time to get a life? Those A-levels… they might not be worth anything. Hard cheese, you teenagers, who instead of copping off, copping out, chasing endorphins and finding new ways to get off your faces worked head down on your A-levels, the exams that opens the portals to university but in themselves are worthless. Hard cheese that you became anxious about the big tests, developing a psychosis and eating disorder, fearful of not reaching the promised land of three or four years more education, that rosy-fingered dawn of part-time jobs and more books. Hard cheese on parents who bought into the higher education mis-selling and thought youth was wasted on fun and adventure. Oh, to live the dream of spending the carefree, fanciable years accumulating debt and text books, staying in school until you’re into your 20s and emerging in a state of shock at how the system has sucked your life away and ended so many dreams and opportunities.

Screw higher education. Don’t resit and buy into their dream of creating debt products from cheeky, cock-sure youth. Get off the sausage factory conveyer belt. Have fun and learn from experience while you can. A-levels are useless. A stranger in a home office in Ipswich can give you a grade based on guessing and graphs. Your result is worthless. Tell them you know. You’ve seen the truth. Watch their world crumble.

'We'll accept mock exam results, predicted grades, or a recent horoscope'#ALevelResults

My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph

Subscribe to my weekly newsletter to receive my unseen cartoons:

— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) August 12, 2020

But you took the A-levels and now you want that validation the exam-based system promised. You want to know that two years of your youth have not been wasted.

Government and politicians who push the scheme owe students an apology. They owe teenagers the grades that are rightfully theirs. The exam boards ask for extenuating circumstances. Every students has experienced them. The whole year has been an extenuating circumstance. We do not care if a student who might have got a B in Textiles any other year gets an A this year. Give them all their predictive grades. Stop making them live with a lie. And then prick the higher education bubble. It’s wetter than Williamson’s bathtub and, like him, contains nothing but air and emptiness.
Video Credit: ODN - Published
News video: Williamson defends exam grade system change

Williamson defends exam grade system change 01:03

Education Secretary Gavin Williamson has defended the government’s late change to the school exam results system, saying, “I won’t apologise for the fact that we want to make these changes because we do believe they will benefit young people”. Report by Jonesia. Like us on Facebook at...

You Might Like

Related videos from verified sources

Gavin Williamson apologises for exam downgrade disruption [Video]

Gavin Williamson apologises for exam downgrade disruption

Education Secretary Gavin Williamson has said he is 'deeply sorry' to schoolpupils who had their grades unfairly downgraded across England. He told theCommons: 'The independent regulator Ofqual had put..

Credit: PA - Press Association STUDIO     Duration: 01:09Published
Gavin Williamson apologises to students for exams fiasco [Video]

Gavin Williamson apologises to students for exams fiasco

Education Secretary Gavin Williamson apologises to school pupils in England who had their A-level grades unfairly downgraded. Report by Jonesia. Like us on Facebook at and..

Credit: ODN     Duration: 01:39Published
Gavin Williamson doorstepped as he arrives for work [Video]

Gavin Williamson doorstepped as he arrives for work

Education Secretary Gavin Williamson is doorstepped as he arrives for work following the sacking of chief education civil servant, Jonathan Slater. Report by Patelr. Like us on Facebook at..

Credit: ODN     Duration: 00:17Published

Tweets about this