Dear Abby: Husband emails girlfriends he had during 10-year separation
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married for several years, divorced, then remarried 10 years later. During our separation, he had a lot of girlfriends. To this day, he keeps all their contact information. I discovered he has emailed some of them since we've been back together. I think he uses email to avoid any phone calls that I would be aware of.
Our marriage is overall going well, but I don't understand his need to keep up with some of these past "friends." When we remarried, I deleted all of my past contacts. I'm worried that he's still attached to at least a few of these women, and I don't think it's right. What do you think? It makes me very insecure and upset. What should I do? I'm already in therapy. -- UNEASY IN THE SOUTH
DEAR UNEASY: Marriage is a choice. Your husband CHOSE to remarry you. I am going to assume that because of your insecurity, you have been hesitant to ask him directly why he feels a need to stay in touch with these women. Your therapist may be able to help you with this. If he/she is willing to invite him to accompany you for a session, consider posing the question there.
DEAR ABBY: I recently contracted coronavirus and had a difficult time recovering. It has been three months, and I am still suffering from long-term aftereffects.
When my co-workers and supervisors ask how I'm feeling and I tell them, they almost immediately downplay my response. Some of them ignore my response and tell me, "Oh, that's not bad. One time, I lost so much hair, blah, blah," or they say, "Well, you're working. You'll be fine." I feel like it belittles me and makes what I went through seem like a bid for sympathy. How would you recommend I reply? I can't ignore the people at work. -- DOWNPLAYED UP NORTH
DEAR DOWNPLAYED: All you need to say is, "If it happens to you, you will understand that I feel lucky to be alive. So many people weren't."
DEAR ABBY: I have a question about etiquette. My son is getting married soon. In a conversation with the bride-to-be, I asked if she had chosen a florist and was told that her mom will be making all the wedding flowers out of natural materials. Abby, I hate silk, i.e. "plastic" flowers! Would I be creating a huge problem if I offered to purchase my own wrist corsage from a florist, or should I keep quiet and deal with ugly fake "flowers" with my beautiful dress? Or, can I remove the fake corsage directly after photos are taken? -- OFFENDED MOM OF THE GROOM
DEAR OFFENDED MOM: The proper thing to do is keep your opinion to yourself and go along with the plans your soon-to-be daughter-in-law and her mother have made. Wear the corsage and your sweetest smile for the wedding photos. After that it shouldn't cause a problem if you QUIETLY remove it.
Friendship is a casualty of birthday party quarrel
DEAR ABBY: My best friend of nine years, "Sierra," and my boyfriend of two years, "Jaden," strongly dislike each other. They were both at a cookout I had for my birthday, and Sierra kept making passive-aggressive comments to and about him.
At one point, she criticized something controversial that he said, and when he tried to engage her in conversation about it, she ignored him and pretended he didn't exist. Jaden then launched into a series of verbal attacks against her, and although I attempted to get him to drop it, I was unsuccessful.
Sierra ended up leaving, telling me she needed to take a break from our friendship. She has since unfollowed me on social media, leaving me with the impression that our friendship is over because of the argument between her and my boyfriend.
I know Jaden was more at fault, and we have discussed the situation at length, but Sierra isn't willing to talk to me about it. They've never had an interaction like this, ever. She's never liked him, and I know she will never move past this. If Jaden and I were to break up, I don't know if I could bring myself to resolve things with Sierra because I feel like she was unwilling to preserve our friendship. Should I accept her reaction and behavior and move past this? -- BETRAYED AND CONFUSED
DEAR BETRAYED: You have no choice but to accept Sierra's reaction. Not knowing what Jaden said that was controversial, I can't offer an opinion about what generated the argument. If she preferred not to engage with him further, it was her privilege. For Jaden to have pursued and verbally attacked your friend was abusive, and she did the right thing by leaving.
Sierra appears to have a strong sense of self-esteem, and I doubt there is anything you could say to her to convince her to subject herself to Jaden's presence again. She's intelligent enough to know that until your romance with him has run its course, remaining out of the line of fire is the best course of action. If Jaden becomes history, give her a call. I'm pretty sure you two can clear the air then.
DEAR ABBY: How do I confront my daughter, who I am certain "kept" my wedding ring, which I had removed to care for my dying husband? This daughter has a history of "borrowing" siblings' jewelry, then returning it in secrecy.
I have other reasons to believe she has taken the ring, but knowing this daughter, she'll shut down our relationship if I ask. I was thinking of saying something like, "When I was at your house, could I have left it there?" She knows I am looking for it. I suspect she thought the ring was her father's as it is a wide gold band. Advice? -- KEEPING THE PEACE?
DEAR KEEPING THE PEACE?: I hope you get that precious memento back. IF this daughter took the ring, you have more problems than losing a material object. She is a thief who is not above taking from those close to her.
By all means ask if your wedding band might have been inadvertently left at her house ("overlooking" that if it was, she should have informed you immediately). You have nothing to lose by doing so. Whether you get it back or not, before letting your daughter into your home in the future, be prudent and make sure any valuables are under lock and key.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.