Dear Abby: Far-flung family makes little effort to stay in touch

DEAR ABBY: I am a 72-year-old divorcee. I live alone in a 55-and-older community where I have many friends and an active life.

My three adult children are ages 37 to 43. The eldest lives out of the country with my 12-year-old grandson. My other son and his wife live 2,000 miles away and have two young children, one of whom I saw once three years ago. My daughter lives with her husband an hour and a half away. I see them about twice a year.

My daughter will sometimes answer an email or text, sometimes not. My sons almost never contact me, not even on my birthday or Mother's Day. From what I understand, they have little communication with their father or each other, either.

Is this normal? It breaks my heart. This isn't how I raised them. I always encouraged them to maintain a relationship with their father and their grandmother. Is there anything I can do? -- SO SAD IN THE EAST

DEAR SO SAD: I'm sorry for your heartache, and there IS something you can do. Concentrate on your friends, people who are willing to return your emotional investment. You should also ignore Mother's Day, which is an emotionally loaded holiday that causes pain not only to mothers like you, but also to those who have recently lost their mothers. I think you have suffered enough, don't you?

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Gladys," has never liked to shop from a gift list. She prefers to look on her own for a gift she thinks the person would like. My problem is, most of the things she buys are atrocious.

My husband and I are expecting our first child -- her first grandchild -- and although we sent her the link, she has already purchased items not on our registry. I am gracious, Abby. I thank her verbally and follow up with a note in the mail. However, we don't have enough room for all the items to use just when she visits, so I plan to quietly return or donate them.

When she's here and asks why we're not using her gifts, what do I say? I'd prefer not to lie and say something like "the dog chewed it up," nor do I want to be brutally honest and tell her I found the things she bought too ugly. -- MOM-IN-WAITING

DEAR MOM-IN-WAITING: Find a wide, shallow box that will fit under a bed. Select some of the "atrocious" gifts and use them when Grandma Gladys comes to visit. If she asks why you're not using all of them, explain that because you already had some of the gifts she sent, you donated hers to a needy family who could enjoy them. (It's a diplomatic version of the truth.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single woman in my 30s, not a Mrs. and too young for Ma'am. Am I a Ms.? What do they all stand for? -- IN BETWEEN M'S

DEAR IN BETWEEN: You qualify for "Ms.," if you wish to use it. As you know, "Miss" is the term used to denote an unmarried woman. After consciousness was raised regarding equal rights for women, some began using "Ms." in the workplace when they preferred not to reveal their marital status. Traditionally, in the South, women over 21 are called "Ma'am" as a sign of respect. Farther north it's applied to mature women, although not all of them appreciate hearing it directed at them.

Couple's house is not their home with parents next door

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost five years. His parents bought a house a few doors down. They pop in whenever they feel like it and even walk into our bedroom while we are in bed. I need this to stop.

His mother and I had a falling-out in the past because she felt she had a right to control everything down to where I keep my dirty laundry. This is a touchy subject with my boyfriend, let alone his mother. Please help me. -- NEEDS PRIVACY IN MARYLAND

DEAR NEEDS PRIVACY: No one should enter your home without first asking permission, and that goes for your boyfriend's parents. That they would enter your bedroom while you and their son are in bed is over the top.

I fail to understand why this would be a "touchy" subject with your boyfriend. When he became an adult and moved out of his parents' home, surely it had something to do with privacy. It's time you changed the locks on your doors.

Hash this out with a professional mediator if necessary. If you cannot do that, start counting your blessings. Chief among them should be thanking the Lord this woman is not your mother-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl with a problem. It takes me forever to choose an outfit in the morning, no matter the occasion. It's not that I'm a fashionista. It's just that I can't seem to put together anything that makes me feel comfortable.

I'll put something on, think I like it, walk into the bathroom and then notice things about it that I don't like. It's starting to get on my nerves. I have tried shopping for clothes that I know I like, but even then, it seems like I'm changing my outfit three or four times before I leave. How can I make myself feel more comfortable about what I'm wearing? -- FASHION STRUGGLE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FASHION STRUGGLE: Try laying your clothes out and coordinating your accessories the night before. After you have done it, leave the room for an hour or so. If you like what you have assembled before you go to bed, the chances are better that you will like it in the morning. You will also be less stressed and won't have wasted time obsessing before leaving the house.

DEAR ABBY: I am hurting because my mother favors my brother. I talked to her about it a few times, but she said it hurts her when I say things like that. I don't bring it up to her now, but I am very troubled by it.

I have invited her to visit so she could meet my fiance, but she refuses. She says it's too long a drive.

I miss her tremendously and want to see her. My fiance told me to give it time, but I don't think it's fair. What can I do about this situation? -- RANKED SECOND IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR RANKED SECOND: Because you miss your mother and want to see her, I suggest you make the long drive and visit HER. And when you do, bring along your fiance.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.