Dear Abby: Falling-out with friend group puts wife in awkward position
DEAR ABBY: I'm married to the most patient, loving and wonderful husband in the world. Recently, I had a falling-out with his friend group. I admit I was not a good friend due to mental illness, and I know I may never earn their forgiveness. I'm taking responsibility for my actions and seeking help. Now I want to move on and forget I ever knew them.
The problem is, my husband still hangs out with them. He defended me when they talked negatively about me, and continues to support me in all my struggles, but they're still buddy-buddy as if nothing ever happened. I can't help but think how awkward it is that he hangs out with a bunch of people who hate me.
The last thing I want is to break up a friendship, and I know it's petty to be angry that my husband still hangs with them, but it still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. How can I learn to let go knowing they will be a constant presence in my life and a reminder of how horrible I was? -- KEEPING DISTANCE
DEAR KEEPING: You have a mental illness and you acted out. Your illness caused it, and it does not make you a bad person.
You cannot wave a magic wand and expect this to go away. You have already taken an important first step by admitting to yourself that you have a mental illness. If you are now in treatment, you have also taken the second step. When you are strong enough, apologize to his friend group for any pain, embarrassment or disruption you caused during an "episode" and assure them you are working to get better.
You should not expect your husband to drop his friends because you messed up. They probably WILL be present in your lives for the foreseeable future, but that doesn't mean you will always be at odds.
DEAR ABBY: We moved into a beautiful new house a few months ago, and we're having an issue with a neighbor whose dog barks all night. This has been going on since the first night. I have tried to ignore it. I wear earplugs or put a pillow over my head, but nothing helps, and it's starting to affect my mood because I'm not getting enough sleep.
I'm receiving mixed advice from family about whether I should talk to the neighbor in person or anonymously submit a complaint with the city. I would go in person, but I'm somewhat shy, and I'm not sure how to start a conversation like that with someone I've never met. Any advice on this would be so helpful. -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN ARIZONA
DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: It would be interesting to know WHY your neighbor's dog barks all night. Is it neglected, hungry or thirsty, tied up outside and wanting to come in? Because you are shy, write your neighbors a polite letter explaining that their dog's barking is preventing you from getting a good night's sleep and ask if they can do something to help you out. Give them a chance to rectify the problem. However, if the animal is being ignored and mistreated, contact the animal control department in your city and report it.
Truth of man's marital status is revealed after his death
DEAR ABBY: This is a delicate situation. Four days after my boyfriend (whom I had been seeing for 8 1/2 years) was killed in an accident, I found out he was married. He had claimed for years that he was divorced and even produced a copy of his divorce decree several years ago. It is a long story.
He has been dead for five months now, and I need something back from his wife that he borrowed from me: my father's Mason ring. I was devastated when I learned he was married and had lied to me all those years, but I have no intention of telling his wife or causing her pain. (I don't think she knows about me.) I would like the ring back because my father passed away many years ago, and I want to pass it on to my daughter, who never knew her grandfather. He died before she was born.
My boyfriend's sister (who lives with his wife) knows about me. She told me she won't tell her sister-in-law, and I should leave her alone. I'm not trying to hurt anyone because I wouldn't want anyone to do this to me if I was in her place, but I am lost about how to approach this. -- TWISTED SITUATION DOWN SOUTH
DEAR TWISTED SITUATION: I assume you have explained the situation to the wife's sister-in-law. Contact her once more and tell her you want the ring and need her help to get it back without starting WWIII. However, if she's still uncooperative, you may need a lawyer to write the grieving widow a registered letter explaining the entire situation and asking that the ring be returned. (I'm hoping there are identifying initials engraved inside that do not match her husband's.)
DEAR ABBY: I am 9 years old, and I have a twin brother. Sometimes he's nice to me and other times he's annoying. When he's annoying, sometimes he doesn't stop. Everywhere I go -- our car, the kitchen, table, everywhere -- I hear him babbling about nonsense. Even in my happy place (my bedroom). I wish I could lock my bedroom door, but my parents keep telling me not to lock ANY of the doors (except the car) in the house. Could you tell me what to do, please? I'd really like to stop being annoyed for once in my life. -- BOTHERED TWIN IN AUSTIN, TEXAS
DEAR TWIN: Is your brother TRYING to be annoying, or is he just ... annoying? If it's the former, talk to your parents about it because he may need to be put on notice. If it's the latter, then YOU should talk to him.
Explain that sometimes you don't feel like talking or playing and you need to be left alone. Agree on a signal -- like hanging a sock (or some other item) on the outside bedroom door knob so he'll know. And when you do, make sure you let him know you'll do the same for him when the situations are reversed, because they will be.
DEAR ABBY: Easter is a day to be thankful for Christ that our sins are forgiven. Opinionated atheists at the dinner table distract from the meaning of the celebration. Is it wrong on Easter Sunday to exclude relatives who no longer practice the Christian faith? -- SAVED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR SAVED: Before making up your mind, ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.